Simplifying complex relationships for a better tommorrow, that's what Ms. Sharon is!!

It was 2:25 p.m, I was waiting in the queue for the bus. Just turned back and saw a young lady with strong built,dark complexion, spectacles, short hair standing behind me. She said,'I know these drivers, they are always late,...see the bus should be at 2:15 p.m, its no where nearby...do you take this bus daily?' I answered..'Ya, but last couple of weeks its showing late.' She continued,' I take the 3:20p.m bus, but today I am early, I used to drive to my office, but due to traffic during morning i started traveling by this irregular bus!!!'

I asked,'Where do you work?'She replied,' I work for family court at two places in the NY city.' I was a bit confused and asked,'Do you work for divorce cases, parents and children?' She said,' Ya, I work more with children, I am actually a MEDIATOR, I talk to parents and their children to resolve their problems and if its complex then present it to the Judge.' I said,' It's a different job.How did you land here?' She laughed and said,' I was a school teacher, started this as a volunteer job,got to meet lots of families.....liked talking to them, thought this is the field I would like to work, went to Law school, and am a full time mediator now!'

She said,' My daughter is coming today for thanksgiving...' I said,' Hey, you look so young.' She laughed again and said,' My daughter goes to college, i am not as young...as you think!!!' I was inquisitive and said,' How many cases you handle per day?' She said,'I can do 8-18 cases, but I only do 3 cases per day, I have to talk to the children, talk to their parents, I can't just hurry and do the paper work,sometimes people need someone who just listens to them, advice them, so I prefer sharing time.'

I asked her,'What's the most common cases you see?' She said,' Young children, vexed by the fact that they can't get the things they want like,if they were getting a pocket money of 10$,now are getting 5$ or a child who wants a 120$ snicker and now his parents can buy only one with 50$, failure to go for a dinner on Wednesday nights due to mother losing her job...makes the children difficult to digest and adjust with the facts that they cannot enjoy the privileges they earlier had, so they fabricate a story reporting to the Administrative Child Services (ACS) saying their parents don't take care of them, so the ACS visits their home,just in 10 min they study the family relationship and take the child in foster care so the main problem is financial.' It was 2:44 p.m, the bus came.We boarded it, sitting beside her, I was waiting to know more!!!!

I was more confused.....,' What's the foster care?' She said,' The children are placed in some other families, away from their parents who will take care of them and they are shifted from one foster family to another.' I asked her,' Who find these foster care givers?' She said....'Hey, we don't need to find those, there is a big list, people are waiting to do that so they can get 500$ for looking a child for 3 days and more if they look after him for a month...so its all money business you know, I just wonder if these foster parents really care for the sufferings of the kids who stay away from their families!!!'

It was all new for me, I further asked,'How long are they with the foster parents?' She said,' Its variable, some do not return to their parents at all.They stay in the foster families, attend school, they are in touch with family court till 18 years of their age and later on they are independent to make their own decision.' I was shocked to hear it..I asked,' What's your actual role?' She said, ' I talk to the kids,I make them realize how important parents are for them, just buying new things don't make good parents, tell them, when you were sick they looked after you...and all these years till you are 12 years,or whatever their age is.. they were with you thick and thin, how can you accuse them and file a complaint on the basis of a single incident??? most of the children realize their mistakes, they understand and say Ms. Sharon you are right, we will not do this again and then the case is dismissed. But there are thousands of foster children already, so I check whether they go to school, study properly, do not use drugs, are healthy, not abused...so on.' I asked,' So what if after repenting for his deeds the child wants to join his family?' She said,'No ...No..it's difficult due to all judicial work, so I prevent them from being a foster child..making them realize the future consequences.'

I was flabbergasted,said,'Ms. Sharon this is a herculean task!!!!'. She said,'You know dear, this is the job I love, I want the families to come together,enjoy each others company,communicate...though I don't make great money..but its the job I enjoy. I have the custody to take the kids to their parents for some family time and again place them in their foster families, they are very happy to meet their parents again, its great to see them smiling!' I asked ,' Can the parents ask the kids to stay with them?' She said,' It's again a tedious procedure,they have to make an appeal in court and prove that they regularly visited the kid at his foster home,love the kid and can take full responsibility of the kid.'

She suddenly hugged me said,' See you sweet heart again, Happy Thanksgiving.' I bid her good bye. Looking out of window, I was engrossed in thoughts...Is the parenting so complex?? Its beyond my understanding how can a child be happy in a foster family? For trivial things in life such a big punishment - both suffer !!!!Lack of communication, lack of understanding, failure of children to realize the value of money and most important the respect and love of their own parents...so they end up living in foster homes...!!! Hats off to Ms. Sharon who is playing an impeccable role of simplifying this complex social problem affecting the psychology of children and making each day worth living by knitting the families so they can sit down on the dinner table and enjoy the thanksgiving Turkey TOGETHER!!!